How to handle rejection as a creative
💡 This blog post is adapted from my Playing Favorites newsletter.
For an upcoming episode of 3 Clips, producer Cherie Turner and I will be speaking with the host and creator of an incredible podcast owned and operated by TED. I’d like to share exactly how we booked such an illustrious individual -- the blueprint, the formula, the simple steps to success. Here they are, laid out in all their glory:
Create a lot of stuff.
Ask before you feel ready.
Did they say no, or not respond? No big deal -- get back to creating a lot of stuff. Did they say yes, or respond with enthusiasm? No big deal -- get back to creating a lot of stuff.
(See what I did there?)
I have to thank Cherie for reaching out to this forthcoming guest, as I know there’s a lot of hard work that goes into the research and actual outreach. Still, if you want to distill this process of creating meaningful work down to the barest of essentials, it’s effectively the process of building a body of work and the growing your rejection pile.
Make. Try to stretch. Make more. Try to stretch more. Make more. Try to stretch more.
Over and over and over.
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You would think the public nature of my work would harden me to anyone who replies with anything that remotely resembles criticism or dissent.
You would think wrong.
Although virtually every project I create is intended for others, virtually every comment I get that isn’t fully supportive weighs on me. I try to convince myself that I have a thick skin, like an impenetrable pineapple. In reality, I’m more like a bruised banana.
(I should really eat before I write.)
Over the last 12-18 months (meaning before the pandemic started), I’ve noticed a negative trend in my work: I’ve stopped stretching. I became hyper sensitive to the rejections, as if the size of the pile was somehow a referendum on me and my worthiness to do this type of work. But just think:
This American Life kills half the stories they start working on before any of their award-winning episodes air.
As a book packager, Seth Godin pitched hundreds of books and got rejected by hundreds of publishers before his first book was ever published.
And chef Anthony Bourdain tried for years to get published by the New York Times, the New Yorker, and any other reputable New York publication before his first piece in the New Yorker landed him a book deal that would become Kitchen Confidential and his career as a storyteller.
If we squint at our heroes, they’ve all done meaningful work seemingly without much trouble. If we open our eyes, however, we’ll see that each of them carries around a massive list of Nos, Nuh-uhs, Not Todays, Not Evers, and of course… No Replies.
They aren’t comments on the individual’s worthiness, nor their future prospects. They’re necessary parts of the process.
This year, I’m making a commitment to myself to embrace the rejection list. I wrote this on the first slide of my 2021 strategy deck, which I revisit often and share with freelancer-teammates I work with (current and future) to get on the same page:
This doesn’t mean spamming tons of people until one says yes. (“Annoy the many to convert a few” is NOT an actual strategy, despite seemingly every marketer’s approach to LinkedIn.)
Growing my rejection list also doesn’t mean lobbing out work without the intention of making that work good. (“Ship more work” is a fine mentality so long as you finish that thought: “Ship more work while aspiring to serve others.” Do that, and you can’t go wrong. It’s stunning, really.)
With apologies to bananas, this is the year of the pineapple.
* * *
When we booked our forthcoming guest from TED, I was struck by how … simple … it felt.
We (and I can’t be more clear about this) asked.
The worst thing that happens when you ask is someone says No. (By the way, some folks will try to be clever and say that the worst thing that can happen is nobody replies, because at least with a No, you got a reply. To that I say, appropriately enough … no. Being verbally rejected is wayyy worse than radio silence. Radio silence can be attributed to their potential business or disorganization. Radio silence means you might actually forget you reached out to them in the first place. But an actual, written or spoken rejection? Way, way worse.)
So, the worst that can happen when you ask? They say no. And that’s great! Add to that rejection list. Maybe it wasn’t good timing. Maybe you didn’t communicate it well. Maybe you haven’t made enough stuff. Maybe they’re not the right fit or you’re just not meant to work with them. It doesn’t matter.
Besides (he adds during the editing process, because this seems important as heck but was overlooked in his initial draft) … commodities are more likely to get a Yes than meaningful work. And we refuse to create commodities. For instance, it’s far easier for me to get an article accepted by a trade publication if I wanted to write the 7 Simple Steps For Growing Your Podcast, or an analysis of a trend or buzzy tactic.
No thank you.
If you and I genuinely want to create something different, refreshing, and change-making -- something that matters -- then we’ll necessarily face more friction. Meaningful things demand that others stop and consider the nuance. Meaningful things shatter illusions or push deeper than conventions. They require others see the world differently. What that means is you and I can’t settle for just any old place to publish, just any people to work with, just any organization to work for.
Instead, we’re on the hunt for the RIGHT places, people, and organizations. We’re on the hunt for the Yes, which requires us to sort through the Nos first.
In the end, the difference between doing more meaningful work and continuing to pander and ship commodities is NOT some kind of creative gift given at birth. It’s not inherent talent. All things being equitable (i.e. if you compare people from similar backgrounds, with similar opportunity throughout their lives), the two big questions become:
Did they create a lot of stuff?
Did they ask before they felt ready?
Are you building your body of work?
Are you reaching for opportunities before it feels comfortable?
For far too long, my answers have been “yes,” followed by a resounding “no.” Whatever your answers are, just make sure you ask those questions.
Are you creating a lot of stuff?
Are you asking before you feel ready?
This week, try asking before you feel ready
Add to your rejection list this year. This is my written reminder, in public, to do so. The rejection list isn’t a knock against your ability to do meaningful work. It’s proof you are.
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As I mentioned… this blog post is adapted from my Playing Favorites newsletter.
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