Differentiation Isn't About Topics: How to Find Actual Whitespace to Stand Out
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my problem … so call it out, maybe.
(Thank you, thank you. I am still waiting for my callback from casting for the upcoming Carly Rae Jepsen biopic...)
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For just under a year, I've been telling stories about individuals and teams whose work deeply resonates with others. I've shared those stories here. I've shared them on my podcast Unthinkable. I've even felt ready enough to create some methodologies and foundational concepts that might help us better understand how to resonate. And throughout all of this, three words loom largest. These three words represent a powerful reaction we hear when we've deeply resonated:
I feel seen.
You might hear variations of this phrase too:
"THIS!"
"OMG, you're speaking to my soul."
"THANK YOU! Finally, someone speaking my language."
I feel seen.
And just like my incredibly clever, not-at-all dated or forced Call Me Maybe reference suggested, many "I feel seen" reactions are triggered when we decide to call out something that's broken. To speak up about something when no one else seems empowered to do so. To point out flaws where others just accept conventional norms.
To speak the unspoken.
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Recently, I had a chance to chat with my friend, the writer and agitator (in the best way) Margo Aaron. Margo recently wrote a post that, in her words, "struck a CHORD." I'll link to it at the end. For now, just know the topic: she wrote about why she avoids the news and maybe more of us should do the same.
(Gasp! Scoff! Spit-take!)
Or maybe, she's onto something.
In the piece, Margo shares a smart and brutally honest look at the problems with the way most news is packaged today (especially cable news and news on social media). She then goes on to present her case for why watching the news is not the same as staying informed, being a good citizen, and contributing positively to society.
And it struck a CHORD. Some agreed, some disagreed, but let's focus on the people who threw up their hands excitedly and said, "THIS!"
Why did they have that type of reaction?
It all relates to this idea of feeling "seen" -- the exact reaction we should seek out in our efforts to make things that make a difference.
The Two Aspects of Resonance
When we think about resonance (that bringer of "I feel seen" moments), we can think about two separate ideas: alignment and amplification.
As I've shared in this space before, the science of resonance is rather revealing. In the case of vibrations or sounds, when one frequency matches another, that first one is considered a "resonant" frequency to the second. It aligns.
Here’s a look at a single frequency:
And here’s what happens when a resonant frequency is applied:
That’s right: when a resonant frequency is applied to a given system, that system is amplified (e.g. the vibrations get more intense or the sound gets louder).
In this way, resonance is an energy transfer from one system to another.
This is exactly how the idea functions in creative work too.
Does my message or experience align with you? Does it map to your own life experience? Do you see yourself in the story I'm telling? Yes? Then we're aligned. And when you feel that type of alignment, you feel amplified. You have an intense, visceral reaction, and you feel somehow empowered.
This why truly resonant experiences cause us to shout, "YES! THIS!" We feel like we can run through walls as a result. Everything feels somehow heightened. Well, the "somehow" is resonance. If my work resonates with you, then I've literally imparted energy to you. But that energy transfer doesn't happen unless I start by aligning with how you ALREADY think or feel about something.
Resonance: The sudden urge to act created by a message or experience which aligns so closely with your beliefs or identity that your thoughts, emotions, and abilities feel amplified.
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Of course, if everyone around your audience is saying the same thing to them, delivering the same message to align with them, then that message's emotion doesn't feel quite as potent. The reaction won’t be as visceral. Yes, the message may align with them, but they still don't feel all that amplified.
In the content marketing industry, for example, it’s common for brands selling tools or services to say, "Stop renting attention and own your audience."
And yes, that message aligns with me, a content marketer since 2011. Yes, I agree: don't simply buy a bunch of ads or publish to a third party, like a social network. Build your own platform and subscriber base. That message aligns with me. But it's ALSO rote. It’s become table stakes today. I've heard it so much, and executed on the idea so much, that it's not particularly compelling to hear anymore. It’s just assumed.
My need to feel validated and heard as it relates to this idea is already being met — by dozens if not hundreds of sources. You saying the same thing may be aligned with how I feel, but you're also just adding to the noise.
So, when an audience is constantly bombarded with messages and content, merely being relevant isn’t enough. We need to feel somehow refreshing. In marketing parlance, we need to find the "whitespace" — but it has nothing to do with the topic we cover (e.g. content marketing but for SaaS CEOs’ personal brands in Canada). Instead, the whitespace we seek is much less about topic and much more about emotion. Can we find something the audience is thinking and feeling but is currently unable to articulate, whether because they lack the words for it or they're not empowered to call it out. In other words:
Speak the Unspoken.
The real power of the phrase "I feel seen" doesn't come from alignment alone. Instead, that visceral reaction is triggered by the fact that they feel aligned AND they haven't felt this particular kind of alignment before. Something was unspoken, and finally, mercifully, refreshingly... someone said it.
YOU said it.
"THIS!"
"OMG, you're speaking to my soul."
"THANK YOU! Finally, someone speaking my language."
I feel seen.
To feel seen is to feel like others finally recognize what you're going through, how you think and feel, what you want, where you're struggling ... at a time when giving language to things is rare. That's why derivations of "I feel seen" often sound like gratitude. People feel grateful someone acknowledged them and their current experience at long last. They feel grateful that you gave form or language to something they couldn't quite put their finger on but always sensed. As a result of that deep (and refreshing) type of alignment, they feel amplified.
This is why I love the word "refreshing" more than "different." We're told to be different, but that implies a rather dangerous question. "Different from whom?" The competition. Now we're focused on them, not our audience. But refreshing? That forces us to ask another implied question, but a better one: refreshing TO whom? The audience. The people we aim to serve.
NOW we're on the right track.
To feel different, we could deploy stunts and gimmicks, I suppose -- random acts of creativity. But that's not overly strategic nor all that sustainable. To be refreshing, however, we have to more closely align with the audience and tap the personal, emotional reason they might care about something.
So find the whitespace, not by searching among your competitive set of organizations or by describing your topic with more adjectives, but rather by identifying where the audience is feeling overlooked. Put your finger on what's painful AND not being discussed despite how awful it feels. Then call out it.
Speak the unspoken.
Say out loud what everyone is thinking but nobody seems to be saying.
Here are a few things I've said out loud that others seemed to have been thinking but were not empowered to speak up at the time, or at least never considered the right words to describe their experiences:
You can't "best practice" your way to anything extraordinary. (See a tweet version of this idea)
The point isn't to get your work shared. It's to create things worth sharing. (Tweet version)
Marketing has been afraid to admit something for awhile. But it’s undeniable: Creating great content takes TIME. Doesn’t matter the tool, talent, or budget. It takes time. Don’t ask others for shortcuts or tricks. Ask yourself: are you willing to invest the time? (Tweet version)
In YOUR work, I'd challenge you to identify, then take to task, something broken or backwards about the status quo in your space or among your community.
That's What Margo Aaron Did
In freely admitting she doesn't watch the news at all, Margo helped others who felt the same way finally feel seen. Maybe they don't watch the news but hide that fact, or maybe they do watch the news because you're "supposed to" but carry with them a hidden belief that maybe it's not actually serving the purpose everyone says.
Margo called that out. And others called back. "YES! THIS!"
Of course, others also cried, "NO! NOT THIS! NEVER THIS!" And that's okay. No, we don't want to go around seeking out naysayers and haters, but when we stand FOR something, we naturally stand AGAINST other things. That’s okay. It's really hard to create passionate fans if we’re not specific about who we are and what we believe. We have to be willing to say, "THIS is how I see the world. If you agree, you'll probably love my work. If you don't, my work is not for you, and that's alright. High five, handshakes, and hugs. But this isn’t a good match.”
Margo gets that. But that's a skill. To walk that fine line took years of practice for Margo, I know.
The thing is, there's a special type of problem we can call out to help others feel seen — while calling out other types of problems might backfire.
4 Types of Bad Things to Call Out (and Which to Prioritize)
Bad Thing Type 1: They know it's bad, so they don't do it.
Don't smoke cigarettes. Don't shake the baby. (Spoiler alert: You might want to smoke cigarettes, but you will definitely want to shake the baby.)
Calling this out is... unnecessary. ("Yeah, no kidding.")
Bad Thing Type 2: They know it's bad, but they still do it anyway.
This stuff is tempting or enjoyable. (Don't sit all day. Don't eat too many sweets or processed meats. Don't comment on that guy's giant nose-pimple within earshot but DADDY, WHAT'S ON THAT MAN'S FACE???)
Calling this out is... annoying. ("Yeah, yeah, yeahhh... I know, I know.")
Bad Thing Type 3: They don't know it's bad, so they're currently doing it because it's a habit.
This is the stuff that's assumed to be good or else it's simply "how we do things around here." There's not much thought to it, so it's not passionately defended when called out. It just kind of ... is.
Clinging to best practices. (Maybe recognize their flaws.) Approaching a brand new type of media or new channel exactly the same way we approached older media or channels. (Maybe contextualize your approach.) Constantly starting our sales and marketing efforts by describing WHAT we do, instead of WHY we do it. (Maybe recognize how emotional humans can be during the purchase process and lead with your beliefs, then your benefits, and only later, your features.)
This type of problem is absolutely worth calling out to help others feel seen.
Calling this out is... illuminating. ("Oh wow! I had no idea! Thank you.")
Bad Thing Type 4: They don't know it's bad, so they're currently doing it because it's a part of their identity.
If Type 3 is about things we do, then Type 4 is about things we are. But the truth is, the things we do are often conflated with the things we are. If we ARE woke, or we ARE progressive, or we ARE conservative, or we ARE responsible citizens … if we ARE modern marketers, or we ARE creative, or we ARE parents ... then we must DO this or that.
And this is where Margo planted her flag.
She called out something that she felt was a Type 4 bad thing. Others felt afraid to say it to their peers or families and friends, not because it wasn't worthy of discussion but because to share such a belief would run counter to the very definition of BEING something. And nobody wants to be kicked out of their own tribe. Said another way: everybody has a story running in their minds of who or what they are, and they do things to make that story more true. (This is something called your “explanatory style,” which is the scientific understanding of how we as individuals make sense of or explain our experiences to ourselves. Also known as the story running in your mind. It’s actually possible to understand your own internal story using three parameters, and thus better control the story and your resulting actions. We explore these ideas in this episode of Unthinkable, as part of our miniseries called The Concept. Every episode, we dissect ONE transformative framework, phenomenon, or heuristic, dug up from books, the sciences, history, and today’s top thinkers.)
To say what Margo said (“I don’t watch the news and also you should probably not watch as much, either”) would be to challenge some people’s very identities, as well as the identities of those they consider part of their community.
Arguably, this is the defining challenge of communicators in politics today -- to help others decouple ideas and ideologies from their identities, to analyze concepts more objectively as separate from their sense of self-worth or their place in this world, to solve problems united rather than hope your tribe "wins" so you can then busy yourselves on solving problems after winning. But that's the societal equivalent of hoping you win the lottery.
Type 4 problems are among the more worthy things to call out to help others feel seen, but it is a much more delicate dance than calling out Type 3.
Calling this out is... confronting.
You're not supposed to call it out, it's just too conflated with people’s sense of self. Making matters worse, by perpetuating that story in their followers, leaders can maintain or grow their own power or wealth. There are actual incentives to NOT calling out Type 4 problems. (There are incentives among Type 3 problems too, but that feels more like Twitter saying, “Don’t question whether social media is bad for you,” than it is about whether or not you are a BAD PERSON for getting off social media.)
However, when someone is harboring thoughts or feelings or even just sneaking suspicions about Type 4 problems, and they meet a communicator willing to actually speak up about it, their reactions are both visceral and full of gratitude. "THANK YOU! Finally, someone is speaking my language."
I feel seen.
So… stop watching the news? No way. That's how they win. That's how you get complacent. That's how you become ignorant.
Or maybe...
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Today, your audience will experience more messages than at any time in the history of this world. But scattered around even the most saturated of spaces are things that are not being addressed. As long as there are problems to solve and people to serve, there's a place for YOUR message to resonate.
You'll need alignment, but a special kind of it. An uncommon form of it. Something refreshing.
Hidden in the daily work and lives of members of your tribe are feelings that lack form and language, thoughts that remain private, and beliefs that go unvalidated. As communicators and creators, we can learn to spot them. YOU can learn to spot them. Once you do, the choice is yours. You can allow them to stay buried, or you can help others feel seen. My advice?
Speak up.
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